What To Do When Things Don’t Go Your Way…

This isn’t a political post, I promise.  There is enough of that going on all around us.  People are angry, people are elated.  Some are disgusted, while others have a hope for a greater country. I, however, have a story to tell that has NOTHING to do with politics.

I pride myself on being someone who can get along with most everyone.  But every once in a while I meet someone who just gets under my skin.  Someone whose communication style is contrary to mine, or perhaps so similar that we clash.  In this case, this someone that I’ve known for many years is named Barbara.  Ok, not really, I made up that name, but you get the picture
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Barbara and I became fast friends many years ago when we first met.  Both ambitious, both with kids the same age, both with similar backgrounds and education.  However, over time, I found myself relying too much on Barbara’s opinion.  She was strong willed, stronger than me, and in some ways, more successful than me.  So I looked up to that.  I admired that.  I turned to her advice and often took it, despite the fact that others around me could see that the advice was often ill advised.

Then one night, during an intimate conversation, and after a few glasses of wine, Barbara showed her true colors.  I had revealed something quite personal, and her response was  negative and irreversible.  I’m not saying I wasn’t to blame for the argument that ensued that particular evening (communication does go both ways), but her reaction was not that of a “true friend”.  Let’s just say I realized where her insecurities lie, and how they manifest in the way that she deals with others.

By now, you’re probably wondering what this has to do with my blog on exercise and posture… hang tight.
I was devastated for months.  I had grown to rely on our friendship, and was very saddened by that evening’s events.  I felt judged by her statements, and I continued to still let her “advice” impact my opinion of myself.

Since then, I’ve spent the last few years working on my love for myself and my choices, and also learning to let others opinions have less of an impact on how I live my life.  The experience ended up positive, because I learned that I needed to work on myself.

Due to extenuating social circumstances, Barbara and I still have to interact on occasion.  This week we were in a room together, and for the first time in years I let my guard down. I opened up about some issues I was having, and she dove in with her “opinions” once again.  I left the event feeling violated and attacked.  Did she actually do anything wrong?  In fact NO, she didn’t.  It was entirely my reaction to her that was flawed.

So the next morning I woke up, went upstairs into my home exercise studio, and started working on changing the course of my day.

Most people don’t think about the connection between our posture and emotions, but they exist.  My favorite example is that of the work of Amy Cuddy.  She did some extensive research on how power postures can affect your cortisol and testosterone levels, therefore proving that how you stand can affect how much “power” you feel and how much “stress” your body takes. Check out her work if it intrigues you.
That morning, I could feel the stress in my body.  I noticed I was crossing my arms in front of my chest and hiding my heart from further pain.  I limped into the exercise studio unenthusiastically, not sure how I was going to pull myself out of this funk.

I started with one of my tried and true protocols: the 5 minute solution to hunchback posture.  The chest stretch felt amazing as I opened my heart again.  The foam roller, on my thoracic spine, helped to loosen up some of the tighter spots that formed by having slept in the fetal position the night before.
I continued to exercise for 25 more minutes.  I worked my back muscles with some rowing exercises, and my glutes with some bridging exercises.

At the end of my workout I felt like a new woman.  I could feel the tightness in my muscles subside a bit.  Sure, I still felt a little saddened by the events of the day  before, but I reminded my body that “holding on” to the emotions just makes it all worse. The endorphin rush from the workout helped too.

Just 30 minutes.  That’s all it took for me to feel better.

I hope this story reminds you that our emotions impact our bodies and how they function.  Remember the time you got butterflies in your stomach before speaking on stage?  Or playing in that important competition?  Start paying attention to where you hold your tension or stress.  Your neck?  Your lower back? Then treat those abused areas with some exercise, attention and love.

It’s real people.  And it’s time to start paying attention.  Thank you for letting me open my heart today.

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